I get it- I go away for a while and then come back with a title about a hangover. It’s not because I am about to tell you that my life is perfect and I am partying every day. That is far from the truth. Yes, I am having the time of my life- but my shit isn’t done. Not even close..
In order to explain the title of this blog, let me tell you a story. A few days ago, I went to play soccer (yes, I’m playing again, but that’s for another story). After the game, the team always goes out to a local bar. I’ve never been a drinker. I didn’t grow up like that and I don’t care to be. But, I still like to go socialize. So there I am, 8:00 PM at a bar with a group of people I am just getting to know. I know, I know, exactly what I’ve always wanted to do. It brings me to tears thinking about all I am able to do now- so what’s the problem??
Well, I ended up staying at the bar until almost 1am. I’m not saying this to scare the shit out of my mom (although it already does lol). I am telling you this because it has its ramifications. When someone goes to a bar for that long, they usually end up going home and crashing. When they wake up, they find themselves going through a horrible hangover. Depending on how much ‘fun’ they had the night before- they could be dealing with the hangover for the whole day. Is the hangover completely debilitating? No! Unless you are a bit of a wimp (sorry wimps) you can still somewhat participate during the day. It may just be annoying. I have news for you- I am the same. freaking. way. Only this happens to me WITHOUT alcohol.
I had this realization when I was talking to my sister. “It’s like I have a crps hangover”, I told her. Am I in debilitating pain? Not any more than typical. But is it something that will mess with my next day? Sadly, yes. I didn’t have a single drink that night- but I woke up the next day struggling to do the activities I needed to do. That’s what I want you thinking about when you have any relationship with someone with chronic pain. It’s impossible to know exactly how you may feel after a night out. On nights you go out, do you wonder with each drink how horrible you will feel the next day? Let’s be real- hell no! You are too busy having fun. That’s the way I choose to live. The more I do the night before- the heavier the crps hangover I might have. But should that stop me? Should that make me stay in my apartment all day every day? I refuse to let that happen.
I have to be honest with you. A little bit of me is terrified when I go out. Not because I’m nervous socially- but because I am scared of the potential pain. But I gave up on that fear. It’s a waste of my life. Now, I really don’t give a F***. I don’t care that CRPS hangovers exist. I don’t care that I may struggle the next day. I need to live. I need to have these experiences. What is life with just sitting in your apartment? Will you be perfectly safe without having to worry about the effects? Sure, yeah, most likely. But that isn’t why we live. We live to take risks. No matter what the risk is, it strengthens us as people. I spent five years of my life “playing it safe” and “doing the bare minimum”. I was living in constant fear with every activity I did. As someone who lived like this- let me tell you- it makes you question the point of everything. When I moved, I chose to live. I don’t give a shit about the crps hangover. It can occur all day, every day and I wouldn’t trade anything for it to disappear. Everyone has a hangover of some sort. Maybe yours is anxiety. Maybe it’s fear of a dirty house. Maybe it’s abandonment. What’s the hangover you are afraid of? Will you let the fear of it prevent you from experiencing? I know I sure as hell will never again. 🧡