Finding Pure Happiness Among the Fire

We all want to be happy. That’s a given. But what if you have a feeling that everything in the universe is trying to stop you from finding that true bliss? Would you continue to fight against that, or would it completely prevent you from ever reaching it? We all go through highs and lows in our lives. Just as high as the highs can reach, the lows can go to the deepest depths. I can say at 22, I’ve felt those depths. I am just starting to find that bliss I spoke about early without ever even having a cure to my illness. Sounds impossible, right? Completely, 100%, without a doubt it is possible.

I have this theory. We never know we weren’t truly happy until we reach that happiness and look back. Humans tend to lie to themselves to cope with whatever is happening in their lives. We realize that there was something always missing. Some light was dim within our minds. As I sit here writing this, I can say I finally see the past 5 years of my life have been dimmed. Would I go as far as to say true depression? No. But what’s the point of putting a label on it? I know that I wasn’t experiencing that full love of life and excitement to see the world every day. Now if you have ever lived this way or you feel like I am describing you now-just know that with time you will feel the way I am feeling. When is entirely up to you. However I do know that if I were reading this blog a few months ago I would have called complete bullshit. Everyone likes to give the happiness speech once they are there, but never while they are working to get there. Please if you are calling bs, just give me until the end of this blog. I promise you I can help you understand.

When you are going through an illness (or a rough event in life) you always aim for that “end” or that “cure”. If someone asks how you are doing, you say “eh fine” and then move along because eventually you will reach the ability to say good. Now “fine” was my trade mark. Like I literally should have slapped that on a t shirt with my face and sold it. Trust me, my doctors would agree 100%. Actually it still is sometimes. If I don’t want to give a real answer-that is my response. Many (including me) for a while thought it was because I didn’t want to explain everything that was getting me down or because I feel like I always give the same answer: I’m tired, I hurt, I’m stressed. But I am now starting to realize that is not the case. I always used that word because it let me avoid the truth that I just wasn’t happy or feeling good. I didn’t want to face that I wasn’t at that “pure bliss”. You know that saying “fake it till you make it”? Yeah, well hear it from me that is a load of shit. Faking it just lets you avoid the truth of what you don’t want to face. It took me 5 years to realize that. If you would have asked me if I was happy throughout the 5 years, I would have said yes. Now, don’t get me wrong- I did often have the emotion of happiness. But that is completely different from the pure happiness I’m talking about here:

Alexis’ Dictionary for the Same Word

  • Happiness- the feeling of showing pleasure with the current events
  • Pure happiness (bliss)- Excitement in the morning. Being content with your life and understanding things are the way they are, but still loving every piece. Acceptance. Confidence.

Who would have known someone could get so specific about one word. But I take the time to clarify this because it is absolutely critical. For many, the pure bliss seems impossible. Life is hard, things happen and it feels like it won’t get better. So often humans spend years just waiting for the moment this feeling happens. “As soon as I’m 18, I can do what I want”, “when I’m 21, I can finally drink (legally)”, “I should have the perfect family by 30”, this just goes on and on. These are moments that we experience happiness in our lives. But does that mean its bliss? We need to stop waiting around for the bliss to come after all the rough patches. I’m only 22 and I can say that the rough patches don’t stop coming- but that is the beauty of life. Each time we hit a rough patch, we learn something. It grows us into better people who have more empathy and understanding.

Earlier I explained that pure happiness does not need to wait until the end of hard times or a cure or anything else. We can have this feeling throughout every day of our lives (good and bad). I know, “easy to freakin say Alexis”, but let me put it this way. No matter what we have going on, life is beautiful. Do me a favor: breathe in, now breathe out. Now take a look around wherever you are sitting, now focus in on your body. Look at all the skin and muscle and bone. Close your eyes. Listen to every little noise including your heartbeat. You. Are. Alive. Despite all the millions of things going on in your brain, you are still living. There are so many things to enjoy out of life- 1 of which is that you have yours. Being content with your situation (whatever that may be) will allow for you to break out of that box and see life for what it is.

The last thing I want to say is this. I went through complete hell. The amount of pain that I have endured should be more than anyone should take in their life put together. I’ve lost everything (including myself). But all I needed to do was open my eyes to the beauty around me. I still struggle every day with pain. I also struggle with frustrations of my body not working the way I need it to. Daily living tasks are hard-easier than prior to treatment? Absofreakinlutely. But I still have a hard time. However, I am happier than I have ever been. When people see me now, they say how radiant or bright I look. That is because I am content with everything I am dealing with and I am focusing on enjoying life. THAT is the key to dealing with hard times. Acceptance and everything else will follow.

None of what I’m saying is easy. But just know- I understand where you are. I get how hard it is and how impossible it feels. Please get in contact with me so I can help you on this journey. Everyone needs someone with them while coming to terms and finally breathing. The pain/trauma/hard times do not need to go away for you to feel happiness. Absolute true bliss.


Below is a TikTok prior to pure happiness and after. You can actually see the change in my face. Focus on how much brighter I look.

Prior to Treatment
After treatment. I just look so much brighter overall. Blows my mind.

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